My Peanut and I

This makes me smile. I love SWA.

Inside My Chaos

I debated calling this blog another name: “A Look at Life When My Husband Deploys,” because I’m sure if Jake were home, I’d be forced to NOT work on weekends.

I also debated titling it “Embarrassed” because that would also be fitting, considering the personal embarrassment I feel when I read my previous blog and remember how organized I thought I would be. By now, I should be a week ahead, but instead, I’m about two weeks behind.

So THIS is what I call chaos, what happens when my husband deploys, and why I’m embarrassed to even write another blog after the previous ramblings about being organized:

Working on Organization

I SWEAR that none of this was staged. I’m just this bad. I started working on transferring my mess of papers to relevant binders, and I got up in the middle of it, when Kyle woke up from his nap. When I went back later on, I saw this…which evidently didn’t look that bad to me DURING the course of my organizing. It started out fairly clean, and before I knew it, developed into a massive task. (Believe it or not, there are “piles” of things: a trash pile, a recycle pile, a file pile, etc. It looks worse than it is.)

To be fair, my work isn’t usually this unorganized. Usually, it’s my house. For some reason, my house is pretty clean right now, and I’ve been neglecting my work. Maybe not neglecting, but as my assistants always say, “there’s just not enough time in the day!” I can’t keep up! Hence, me working on a Saturday to try to organize my thoughts.

Now you know where Kyle gets it from:

Ok, so when I say my house is "clean", Kyle's room is omitted by default. This is why.

So Kyle is TWO- give him a break! (Me, on the other hand…I’m a mess.)

A Time to Focus

I’ve never really bought into the whole “New Year’s Resolution” idea. I think it’s great that people make goals or decide to carry out some sort of plan for the new year. What I’ve never understood is why people have to do this on New Year’s Day. For me, anyway, it makes more sense to continuously seek self-improvement than it does to revisit your objectives once a year.

I understand the idea, and actually, I agree if it’s something that is genuine. But too often it seems that people create a lot of superficial “goals” or “resolutions” that 1) they KNOW they don’t plan on following through with;  2) they are unrealistic; and 3) they always seem vague and open-ended. I’m sure the last part is done on purpose, so that people aren’t exactly held accountable for the goals they set. Because if they were to actually create a plan to achieve those goals, it would create “work” and really, we all just want to lose 20 lbs overnight, right?

Most years in the past, I’ve written off “New Year’s Resolutions” as unncessary and ridiculous. This year, I’ve thought more about it. And while I’m not crazy about the idea of creating a superficial New Year’s Resolution (that I’ll forget about come February), I do like the idea of using this time of the year to “center” myself. You know… focus, regroup, organize, etc. So my plan is to take some time to celebrate some things I’ve accompished in 2008,  look at some aspects of my life that I’ve been neglecting for a while, and finally, think about what I would like to improve in 2009 and beyond. I think I already do this multiple times a year, albeit randomly. This year, I think I’ll actually try to “center” myself more frequently and purposefully.

So let’s get right to it.

The big accomplishments in 2008:

• I got my body back, mostly. I have work to do still, but I’m proud of myself when I look at pictures from last year around this time. I think this was due to an equal combination of working out more often, stomach problems, and the new job.
• Women in Aviation, Box D Chapter is up and running!!!!!! This started out as a method to increase my chances of a scholarship, but has proven to be more rewarding than that. And now that I don’t need a scholarship right away, I can actually just relax and have fun with it!
• I got a job. Not just any job, but one that exercises my management skills and will add momentum to my resume and experience in general.   Oh, and it pays decent. And I like what I do. Can’t beat that, right?
• I began a Master’s Program, and have completed my first couple classes.
• In general, I feel better overall- I have more energy, more drive, and more excitement about life.

What I’ve been neglecting:

• My HOUSE! It’s completely disorganized! While it may look clean on the surface, the closets have a different story to tell!
• My health:  I consider myself healthy; however, not working out, too much coffee, and the stress of daily life can take its toll on someone.
• My looks: I could use more haircuts, more manicures and a facial every now and then!
• Time with Kyle. After a 10 hour day, I only have a few hours a day to spend with Kyle. Usually, this time is used cooking dinner, cleaning, laundry, phone calls, etc.
• My future plans: In general, I haven’t really looked too far past tomorrow.

I think it all comes down to one thing for me: TIME MANAGEMENT. You know when life just gets really stressful and there are 5 million things going on, and no time to get them done? For me, if I don’t have a written To-Do list, I automatically get the feeling that I’m out of control. And for a Scorpio, that feeling is UNACCEPTABLE! So here we go……my “resolutions” for 2009:

1. Spend more time with Kyle. I am going to try to set aside a set time every week, or at least a few hours, of JUST Kyle time- no phones, no email, no cleaning…just Kyle and I.
2. Use the time I have off to organize my house. Clean on an ongoing basis instead of waiting until the weekend.
3. Don’t want until last minute to start my term papers every term!
4. Leave work at work. Use my time at work more efficiently(is that possible?!?) so that I can spend my time at home in peace.
5. Take time for ME- to relax, get my hair done, etc. on a more regular basis.
6. And for one more solid goal that’s less optional: Get Women in Aviation stabilized- finish the nonprofit paperwork and make some money!!!

I already know what needs to be done to accomplish all of this. I need a SERIOUS calendar/planner. I need to plan out my months, weeks, days and hours, even on weekends and time off. I am one of those people who will stay in my pajamas until 11am if I have nothing written in my planner. However, if my planner says something, if it’s actually WRITTEN down and planned out hourly, like this-

• 8am: shower
• 9am: grocery store
• 10am: meeting minutes
• 1030am: call mom
• 11am: send emails
• 1130am: lunch

-you get the picture… things get done.

So there you have it- my life, “centered” and focused and micro-managed. I should have my 2009 planner waiting for me in a box at the office, so starting on the 5th, I will be a micro-managing fool. What can I say- I’m kind of a control freak! If there is one thing I would like to rid myself of in 2009- it’s that out-of-control “stress” feeling I get when I don’t have a plan.

Here’s to 2009!

Irate Sarina…

I don’t get mad very often. In fact, I hardly ever consider myself genuinely MAD about something. I get annoyed, I get disturbed, and I get a little unhappy about situations sometimes, but really, I can’t remember the last time I was irate.

Today I got irate. Steaming mad. Red-in-the-face mad. So mad I couldn’t even talk.

I decided to take Kyle to the ER tonight. I have tried to make him an appointment with the pediatrician for an earache. Here’s the tricky thing about earaches: it’s painful for kids. Sometimes so painful they can’t eat or sleep. Yet, it isn’t quite bad enough for the pediatrician to see him right away. Kyle’s had an ear infection for a few weeks now. We’ve done a full course of antibiotics for it, and it seemed to go away. Now it’s back. So I called the pediatrician’s office today. Can’t see him until Monday. Knowing he’s had a hard time sleeping the last few nights, I asked if there was any way I could bring him in, or if they could call me if someone canceled, or if they could just prescribe me some of those handy ear-numbing drops. Nothing. The lady on the phone tells me if he’s that uncomfortable I can take him in to the ER.

5:30 pm: I pick up Kyle from daycare. He cries in the car all the way home. He’s holding his head, pulling on his ear…screaming. We get home and he won’t eat. Try to rock him to sleep- inconsolable. So I load him into the car and he cries all the way in to the ER.

6:45ish: The doctor comes in. New guy. He proceeds to tell me that while he’ll see Kyle “this time” (is that a threat?) he has to report to the first shirt that we’ve been to the ER more than 5 times in the last 6 months, all in the middle of the night. He accuses me of coming to the ER because I work and it’s more “convenient” than making an appointment with the pediatrician. He says since I’ve been to the ER a lot at night, it appears that I’m using them as a regular doctor, and he’s recommending a “case” be built and a “case manager” will call me back.

Nevermind the times I’ve been in the ER have been mostly EMERGENCIES. Never mind I’ve mostly visited on a Saturday or Holiday when the pediatrician isn’t open. NEVERMIND the pediatrician can’t EVER schedule same-day appointments, and REFERS me to the ER on a consistent basis.

I ask him what I should do in a situation like this. He says that no matter what, whether they can make an appointment for Kyle or not, I am supposed to leave a message for the doctor to call me back. (So that HE can tell me to go to the ER, I suppose?) This way, there is a record that I’m at least TRYING to see the doctor. Nevermind that at the last 5 or 6 appointments that I HAVE been able to get for Kyle, the doctor has assured me that he’s fine, and I shouldn’t bring him in unless he has a fever above 104. Nevermind that one time the nurse told me she wouldn’t schedule an appointment for an ear infection “follow-up” because chances are, it’s gone away and that would be a waste of time.

So here I am, being lectured for trying to get medical care for my son. Whatever. I get his point. People are abusing the ER and not taking their kids to the doctor when they should go there instead of the ER. Great. I get it. What made me REALLY mad is the fact that while he is lecturing me, telling me we’re going to have to sit down with my husband and the first shirt and try to get to the bottom of our consistent ER habits, Kyle is screaming in pain, wiggling out of my arms, throwing his head back and generally making it impossible to hear anything. So you would think, as a doctor, he would tend to Kyle BEFORE lecturing me for a half hour while my kid screams in my arms. He takes his time, telling me every possible detail I will need to debate my “case,” whatever that is…and I can’t hear most of what he’s saying because my kid is screaming his head off. Nor do I care. Common sense should tell you to try to help a kid out if he’s in the ER in pain.

I haven’t been that mad in a REALLY long time. My face was red, I could tell. I was gritting my teeth, trying not to scream at him. I started to explain some of the things I talked about above to this doctor, but then stopped when I realized that I risked sounding defensive and beligerent. So I gritted my teeth and didn’t say a WORD. I laughed out loud once when he was telling me I needed to make sure I was trying to make appointments with the doctor first. I shook my head at him a time or two. He asked me questions and I stood there, silenced, in fear that if I even opened my mouth a CRACK, I would scream a little too loud for Emergency Room comfort. I would’ve made a scene. So I bit my tongue, tried to rush him through his formalities of “counseling” me, because, oh yeah, there’s a kid in pain right next to us, SCREAMING HIS HEAD OFF!!!!

He sent us back to the waiting room to wait for our medicine. Luckily there was nobody in there. Kyle screamed the entire time, and for some reason, he was taking his sweet time pulling a bottle of medicine off the counter to give to me. About 30 minutes went by, without even a pause from Kyle as far as the crying, when finally another doctor came out. He pulled Kyle and I into the little room where they take your vitals. My first thought was “oh great. lecture me more while my kid screams. awesome.” Instead, he gave Kyle some ear drops for the pain. Finally, someone who is paying attention to the child in pain! Kyle calmed down (he stopped crying right away and even smiled at this doctor!) and this guy must’ve noticed I was visibly IRATE, because he said “you ok?” I nodded. He proceeded to tell me this guy was too hard on me, and not to worry about it, and that I would bring Kyle back anytime. I tend to hide my anger when I’m mad, so I was first surprised that he could tell how mad I was. He must’ve seen the surprise on my face because then he said “the doctor told me he may have upset you.” lol. You think?!?!

I’m still not even calmed down. So I’m going to take his advice and call patient advocacy to let them know. I just wish I wasn’t so mad that I couldn’t tell him what was on my mind.

The one good thing: Kyle IS now resting peacefully, all doped up, in his room upstairs. I guess that’s what matters most.

Where We’d Be Today

Kenny Chesney has a song titled “Who You’d Be Today.” Part of that song really makes me think…which is cool. I like songs that can invoke emotion.

 It’s been three years since my dad died. November is typically not a fun month for me anymore.

“Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can’t believe you’re gone

Chorus:

It ain’t fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
The death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I’ve been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you’d be today

Would you see the world?
Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family?
I wonder, what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky’s so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy…

Anyways, it makes me think about my dad and I. Who would he be today? Where would we be today if he were alive still? Would we still have the same akward relationship we always did? Would I have gained his respect by now or would I still think I had to prove myself? Would he be proud of who I am today? More importantly, would he have admitted to being proud? Would he have continued to reach out to me in an effort to repair our relationship like he had in the days prior to his death?

One of the things that’s sad about this situation is that it took him 22 years to tell me that he believes in me.  When I first entered college, he wouldn’t support me financially on the basis that I might not make it through college.  (How’s that for support?) So when he told me he’d like to give me money for flight training 4 years later, that meant something different to me than it did for most kids who get money from a parent. It meant that I had finally earned a portion of respect from someone i had tried so hard to please. In his own way, my father had finally told me that he thought I had what it takes to become someone. The weird thing was that by that point, I had grown up enough that I honestly didn’t NEED his approval anymore. Still, it was nice to have it.

Ironically, the flight money he wanted to give me came in the form of life-insurance a few weeks later.

Back up a few days: At the time my dad was hopitalized, I was on the phone with the airport trying to rent a plane for us to go up in. It would’ve been our first flight together, and the ultimate bonding experience for us. In the middle of my phone call to the plane rental guy, my cell phone rang. Shortly after, I was in the ICU waiting room-waiting.

Of course, I wish we could’ve gone on that flight together. I think it would’ve been magical, really. Little ol’ me, and my dad, who it just so happened was smart enough to build the damn plane himself. I often wonder what that flight would’ve been like. I imagine he would’ve have a big smirk on his face, and he probably would’ve tried to pull a fast one on me somehow. He would’ve asked a lot of questions. And he would’ve taught me a thing or two about the mechanics of the airplane. I can hear him- “…if you ever lose your radio, you can try connecting these here wires under the dash.” or “Do you know what to do when you have a hot mag? Here…let me show you…” followed by “What in the hell did they teach you at that damn school anyway?” I can imagine his face if we practiced a stall or a spin. He’d have been grinning ear to ear like a kid on a roller coaster. He always liked a good rush.

My dad never actually came out and said he was proud of me. But i remember one day in particular I started to think that maybe he was. He was ”negotiating” with some guy about a tractor he wanted to buy. The guy asked him about his kids and he went through each one of us, explaining all the great things we have done and were doing. I remember him saying ”and this girl here” (pointing to me) “…she’s my ‘pilot’. She’s going to some yuppie school in Arizona, but she’s gonna be a flight instructor soon. She’s gonna teach me how to fly.” He was grinning ear to ear. He loved bragging about his kids.

If we could only fly together today, where would we be? Would I be his flight instructor? (Thats’a scary thought actually.) Maybe not, but I think we would’ve made a great team. Maybe he would’ve finished his plane by now and maybe he would be up flying all the time. Maybe we would’ve had something in common finally. Maybe the father/daughter relationship would’ve worked between us after all. Who knows. In real life, maybe we would’ve gone on the same as we always have: polite and respectful of each other, but a shallow relationship at best.

I’d rather think of him in the moment shortly before he died. He was on top of the world…he had finally earned Master Sergeant. He had decided it was time to divorce his wife at the time, and he stuck to his decision this time. He felt good about where he was, and for once I could tell he was really happy. He had said “I’m gonna take some time off. I’m gonna spend more time with you guys…go back to flying, travel…do the things I want to do. I feel free now. There is so much I want to do that I never have done because of her.”

Who knows where he’d be today. Or where we’d be. I really wish I knew.

ERAU Worldwide Conference

So last week was our Embry-Riddle Worldwide Conference in Daytona Beach. To be quite honest, I didn’t really know what to expect from this conference. I had been “warned” that it could be boring and dramatic at the same time…which it was. I must point out, though, that it exceeded my expectations in more ways than one!

To start the week off, we were treated to a nice dinner and drinks while mingling with co-workers. This was nice because i got to meet a lot of different people: some that I talk to every day on the phone, and some that I may never talk to again. It was really exciting to put some faces to all of the names I see in my email on a daily basis.

Throughout the week, we attended various speeches, seminars, meetings and the like. The highlight of the conference for most people was the keynote speaker, Dr. Gina Barreca, a speaker, humorist, author and professor from the University of Connecticut. She was very good, indeed…check out her website at www.ginabarecca.com.

I’d have to say that the most enlightening part of the conference was learning more about my coworkers. We had a lot of fun together…and at the end of the day, I can honestly say that I learned much more that I needed to about some people….and just enough about others.  (The bar always seems to bring out the best in people, doesn’t it?) It was very entertaining, to say the least!

I came home from the conference with more work to do, a fresh outlook on my job, and loads of information about Embry-Riddle that I can store in the back of my mind for a rainy day. All in all, it was a successful and enlightening week, and I’m glad I had the chance to catch up with everyone!  

Volleyball Night with the International Region!

Nancy

International Region

Portrait of an ISTJ

I’m surprised at how accurate the Keirsey Temperment Sorter really is! My type formula is ISTJ: Introvert/Sensing/Thinking/Judging.

This description is from keirsey.com, and it’s pretty darn close:

Guardian™ Portrait of the Inspector (ISTJ) “The one word that best describes Inspectors is superdependable. Whether at home or at work, Inspectors are extraordinarily persevering and dutiful, particularly when it comes to keeping an eye on the people and products they are responsible for. In their quiet way, Inspectors see to it that rules are followed, laws are respected, and standards are upheld.

Inspectors (as much as ten percent of the general population) are the true guardians of institutions. They are patient with their work and with the procedures within an institution, although not always with the unauthorized behavior of some people in that institution. Responsible to the core, Inspectors like it when people know their duties, follow the guidelines, and operate within the rules. For their part, Inspectors will see to it that goods are examined and schedules are kept, that resources will be up to standards and delivered when and where they are supposed to be. And they would prefer that everyone be this dependable. Inspectors can be hard-nosed about the need for following the rules in the workplace, and do not hesitate to report irregularities to the proper authorities. Because of this they are often misjudged as being hard-hearted, or as having ice in their veins, for people fail to see their good intentions and their vulnerability to criticism. Also, because Inspectors usually make their inspections without much flourish or fanfare, the dedication they bring to their work can go unnoticed and unappreciated.

While not as talkative as Supervisor Guardians [ESTJs], Inspectors are still highly sociable, and are likely to be involved in community service organizations, such as Sunday School, Little League, or Boy and Girl Scouting, that transmit traditional values to the young. Like all Guardians, Inspectors hold dear their family social ceremonies-weddings, birthdays, and anniversaries – although they tend to be shy if the occasion becomes too large or too public. Generally speaking, Inspectors are not comfortable with anything that gets too fancy. Their words tend to be plain and down-to-earth, not showy or high-flown; their clothes are often simple and conservative rather than of the latest fashion; and their home and work environments are usually neat, orderly, and traditional, rather than trendy or ostentatious. As for personal property, they usually choose standard items over models loaded with features, and they often try to find classics and antiques – Inspectors prefer the old-fashioned to the newfangled every time.

Queen Elizabeth II, Harry S. Truman, Warren Buffet, Queen Victoria, James K. Polk, and J.D. Rockefeller are examples of Inspector Guardians. “

 

Is this me or what?

Italy

Late, as always…here are picture of Italy from a few weeks ago…just for you, mom.

Venice

Saint Mark

Gondolas

 

The Micromanagement of Women’s Bathrooms

Ok, so I apologize in advance if you’re one of them…but I have to laugh at the women who try to manage the women’s restroom by putting 4 or 5 or 6 different signs on the walls!!!

I thought I was a control-freak…or maybe I just don’t have enough time of my hands to make pretty little signs…who knows.

The bathroom in question will remain at an unidetified location for security reasons…but I happen to frequent it a lot. There are at least 4 signs in it, laminated, clipart and everything. One says “Please no food in the toilet.” Another, “Ladies, let’s be courteous of others. Please wipe off the seat.” Another, “Make sure it all flushes. Use the toilet brush if needed.” And ANOTHER one still says “It’s not that hard. Put the roll on the holder!”

While I agree with all of these statements…and I DO wish women would put the roll of toilet paper on the holder instead of on the floor…i can’t imagine taking the time to make all of these lovely signs!!!!

What is this world coming to if I can’t go to the BATHROOM in peace?!? I can’t go to the bathroom without feeling like I’m being yelled at. Sometimes I even get the feeling that there’s a certain someone looking over my shoulder. Seriously? I have to deal with a condescending voice even in the bathroom?!?

Ah…well, I guess somebody needs to control all of the gross dirty women who pee on seats and flush their lunch down toilets (really? People really flush food down toilets in public?)

Apparently someone sees the need for super management of ladies restrooms. So be it. I wonder if it really works. Do women start to put the roll of toilet paper on the floor, see the sign, and then re-think it and place it nicely on the holder? I doubt it.
sidenote- my final exam (a short term paper, really) is done for my class! On to the next one in October!

Where my mind goes…

So I like to write. I don’t mind doing term papers. I’m even looking forward to my Master’s Thesis. But somehow I always make it into more than it needs to be.

I have a term paper due Friday. I’ve had a month to do it. A month. Somehow that month dwindled down to three days rather quickly. And in the three days that are left, I have only one free night to get it together. Tonight was one of them. But it’s already almost 10:00 and my energy is drained. I had good intentions. But here’s where my mind goes when I sit down to write.

•  Hmmmm…air crash inverstigation. Psychology. Read accident report. 350 pages?!?!?! Yikes.
•  I wonder why Kyle was cranky today. Teething? I hope he isn’t getting sick. That’s the last thing I need. He is coughing a lot, though…
• Holy crap! I forgot to make food for the social tomorrow night! Guess I better go make something.
• Seriously?!? Am I the only one that uses the freaking dishwasher in this house?!? I can’t even get to the sink. There are no clean dishes. Guess I have to wash them before I can bake cookies.
• CRAP!!! I need to find a sitter for Thursday! Who the heck is going to be up for that? Probably nobody.
• I really should write this paper.
• Oh yeah…my sister was telling me to check out this guy’s myspace page. Gotta do that.
• Oh no, I forgot to call that one girl back today.
• I wonder if my paper will write itself.
• I need to do laundry. Don’t have anything to wear after my trip last week.
• Which reminds me…I still haven’t even unpacked!
• The sitter is going to be disgusted with my house tomorrow. Should I bother to clean it?
• An hour has gone by. Still no paper.
• Better write a blog about it.
• I wonder who the heck is using my credit card in Idaho? My sister? Nah. Can’t be…Hmm.
• Should’ve bought some wine today.
• I need to schedule my car for an inspection before my registration runs out. Mental Note. Do that tomorrow.
• I wonder if my instructor will care that my paper sucks. Will he let us revise it one more time before we have to turn it in?
• Should’ve called that one girl back. Shoot.

Anyway, you get it. Am I the only one that feels ADD these days? I’m definitely not ADD, right? God, did having a kid make me ADD?

Sometimes I wish I were better at using my time. Like the whole month I had to write my paper. All of the opportunities I had…and now I’m down to three days. I can write this paper in about 2 hours if I try hard. So why don’t I just do it?

Ugh.

I better go to bed now. Maybe I’ll feel like writing this paper tomorrow?